every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
