Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
