Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
