problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
