I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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