when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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