Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You were trust falling into bushes
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
