how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
