Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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