I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
