I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
