Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
