Do vagina's smell?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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