On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
