PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
