Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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