You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
