How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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