eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
