You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The air was thick with penises
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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