Define "chronic" masturbator.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
