Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
