Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
