giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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