My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
