he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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