I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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