They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
