Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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