You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
