he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
