Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
As shirtless as possible
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
