mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize