whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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