I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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