Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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