I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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