We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
