the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
