just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
