When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
