i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
