So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We had sex on a dog bed..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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