I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize