Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
