Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize