wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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