you would pick up someone in the library
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
it was like having sex with a tree stump
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
