The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize