My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
