i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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