I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize