I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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