No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
