Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
