Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
