the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
