you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
