Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
