about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
God, I missed his penis.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
