We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
