So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
