She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
