She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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