What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Randomize
