Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize