They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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