I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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