Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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